Timeline of why NOBODY should EVER, EVER ship via UPS to a South Philly residence. #UPSFail

The following is my personal timeline break-down of why NOBODY should EVER, EVER, send packages to anyone in South Philadelphia, using UPS. #UPSFail


Day 1 / Friday / 6pm // Come home to the first Delivery Attempt Notice. Do nothing. (stupid on my part apparently… I should have just called UPS and ordered a Hold for PickUp. OBVIOUSLY.)

Day 2 / Saturday // UPS Closed. (Why would you want to let people pick-up their packages on the weekend? I mean, you do keep trying to deliver them during the work day, to private residences… maybe everyone should take off from work to be home to receive their UPS delivery?)

Day 3 / Sunday // UPS Closed. (See Day 2 above)

Sorry We're Closed

Day 4 / Monday / 6pm // Come home to the second Delivery Attempt Notice.
Day 4 / Monday / 7:15pm // Realize that making dinner for our hungry 3 year old put us past the “UPS 7pm Request Deadline” window for us to call and hold the package at the main UPS facility… but we call anyway, and start the process.

Angry Toddler

Day 4 / Monday / 7:20pm // Automated phone prompts apparently allow us to Hold for PickUp! Yipee! (…or so we thought.)

I'm a Robot

Day 5 / Tuesday / 11:00am // Log-on to UPS.com and check the status of the package. Tracking Detail trail indicates not one, but TWO “Pick up at UPS Facility” activity updates! WooHoo! That means I can now drive to the horrible Oregon Avenue UPS facility and endure Post-Office-like lines and service! (…or so we thought.) I print the Tracking Details page, just in case… I have done this before mind you.

UPS Truck 1970's

Day 5 / Tuesday / 6:20pm // Roll into depressing, crowded and disorganized UPS facility. Usually, I have to ‘check in’ with a woman at a computer by the doors, but for some random reason, even though she was at her computer doing nothing, the security guard ordered me to step up the regular counter line without checking in… ok. Cool.
I show the attendant my print-out with my 2 UPS InfoNotice slips stuck on it. He looks at them, and I tell him we’ve had 2 attempts, but held it for pickup last night. He then rips one of the InfoNotices roughly off my print out, (the second attempt one) and gruffly asks me if it’s one package or two. (Huh? I can’t say for sure, because the InfoNotice never really has any details about the package(s) and neither does the website’s Tracking Details. Usually we’re lucky if there’s even any indication as to who specifically the package is for, let alone who it’s coming from, or how many parcels it is.) He looks frustrated by my lack of certainty, and points at my driver’s license (which I already have out, knowing it’s usually needed, and me, wanting to be as efficient as I can) and asks me with a frustrated tone, “Is this the address it’s going to?” I say yes, and off he goes into the back, I imagine much like Alice down the rabbit hole.

Alice down the Rabbit Hole

Day 5 / Tuesday / 6:30pm // Attendant comes out calling for some street that is not mine. No one answers him, and after a minute or so, he ducks back down the rabbit hole.
Day 5 /Tuesday / 6:35pm // Attendant emerges again, with InfoNotice in hand. Informs me that the InfoNotice was not for my address. What? And then throws my InfoNotice in the trash. Huh? Ok…. I guess. Then he takes my First Attempt InfoNotice with equal roughness and lack of cordialness, and goes back down the rabbit hole once again.


Day 5 / Tuesday / 6:38pm // My wife texts me that she just got home, and there’s a third InfoNotice. This time saying it’s the Final Attempt and will be returned to sender if we aren’t there to get it. (oh, you mean at 11:30am at my house? Again, should I be taking the day off from work? So I can be there to receive my package and work around your delivery schedule?)
Day 5 / Tuesday / 6:39pm // At home, my wife begins the automated phone prompts once again, but this time, to make sure she speaks to a human being. (all the while juggling our hungry 3 year old)
Day 5 / Tuesday / 6:40pm // UPS attendant emerges once again with my InfoNotice, and informs me that “The package is out for delivery on the truck.” WHAT? “But the truck should be back sometime between 7pm and 8:30pm, and I’m welcome to wait.” WAIT?! WHAT?? YOUR STUPID PHONE ROBOT SAID IT’S HERE. YOUR STUPID INTERNET ROBOT SAID IT’S HERE. TWICE! NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME I’M WELCOME TO WAIT HERE FOR UP TO AN HOUR AND 50 MINUTES TO GET MY PACKAGE??!!

Keep Calm and Dont Kill Anyone

…so I try to stay as calm as I can, and tell him that we called in the Hold for Pickup last night, and the phone prompt said it was being held, and the website said it was being held, twice. He then asks me, “Well, what time did you call?” …”Uh, sometime around 7:20-ish I think.” I say. He comes back with an obviously well practiced statement, “Well, on the back of the slip it says you have to call by 7pm, or the hold can’t be guaranteed.” At which point, I inform him that the phone and website said it was held, and here, in the facility, and that’s why I drove my tired ass down to this craptastic facility to get my mystery package …he has nothing else to tell me. Just shrugs, and hands me back my wonderfully useful UPS InfoNotice. I leave verbally yelling that “…UPS is the friggin’ worst place EVER, and I have no idea why ANYONE stills uses them.”

Ups Tossed Packages

Day 5 / Tuesday / 7:10pm // Drove home, now I’m scouring the neighborhood for a parking spot. Coming home this late always means it’s a struggle to find a spot. When I do, I drag my ass home, defeated and frustrated. Wife sympathizes and gives me a hug. I then pretty much immediately plan this blog post and start googling for relevant hashtags…

Day 6 / Wednesday / 11:58am // Search UPS.com for latest InfoNotice, and discover a completely revised Shipment Progress Activity log. Now the two updates from Monday night, about it being held for pickup are gone. Now there are lots of entries about delivery attempts and customer not being there for delivery. The latest activity is from 7:09pm Tuesday night, “The Delivery Change Request for this package has been completed. / Same Day Will Call. As requested, the receiver will pickup at a UPS facility.”

Day 6 / Wednesday / 7:10pm // Drive back down into the depths of delivery hell, to our local Oregon Ave UPS pit. Greeted by no security guard this time, and get sort of directed by UPS attendants walking by, that tonight, we apparently do have to “check-in” with the lady at the computer. How interesting. I wonder how they decide such things? So the two dummies in front of me, didn’t realize they’d need something official with the address on it before they can pick up their crap… step aside dummies and dig up some email on your cell phone or whatever, I don’t care… I have my driver’s license out and ready to go. She looks something up, scribbles some additional cryptic code on the back, completely not related to the tracking code on the front?? And then I get the honor of going into another line, where I wait for an attendant to go back through the rabbit hole… who do I get? The same exact guy I got the night before, who I basically yelled at as I walked out the door. He seems to possibly recognize me, but to my relief, he doesn’t give me any attitude. Just takes my InfoNotice with the scribbles on back, and goes down the rabbit hole.